Take Two

So, I haven't posted in a while. So much has happened since I've begun my life down here in Tennessee. 

I love living down here; being so close to Nashville makes my heart leap! There are always adventures to go on and interesting people to meet. And I'm finally able to physically step into it.

Around September, I began having knee problems. It resulted in countless doctor appointments, 4 ER visits (one of which began in an ambulance), a mound of medication that caused my stomach to want revenge, and, finally, a surgery. Now that it is all said and done, I can actually start to put down "roots" - whatever that means in college. 

Ideal? No. Not in the slightest. It made the transition next to impossible. When you're in that much pain all the time, making friends isn't exactly on the radar. Being an extrovert, that was a huge obstacle. Especially, since I didn't have an established community physically around me. Although, I have amazing friends back home who came to see me and love me so well, I was so incredibly lonely. 

I have never known depression like this. I have never known anxiety like this. 

More importantly, I have never known the Lord like this. 

Challenge after challenge and He is my constant, my rock. I didn't always press into that, but it was always available to me. He carried me. He provided for me exactly what I needed every time. He is good. 

While I'm not thrilled with my opening act here in The South, I know there's a purpose to it. Don't ask me what it is, haha, I just have faith that it exists. Through the loneliness and pain (physical and emotional) I've grown so much. But, I can happily say that I'm being brought back to myself again,

I can run around. I have the energy for new friends and late nights. I have the desire for exploration. I have my love for people back in focus. I have the strength to open even the heaviest of doors on campus without assistance. I have the eagerness to get involved in new things. And I have a God who has equipped me to do all of that better. 

I'm so excited to be coming out of the woods. My zest for this chapter of life has been restored and I'm ready to get it started - for real this time. 

Thanks to everyone who has been so encouraging to me (near and far). Thanks to the people who took my 3 am phone calls. Thanks to the pals that went with me to the hospital. Thanks to the friends who went out of their way to drive me around while I was on crutches. Thanks to all of you who had patience with me. Thanks to those who dealt with me through all my medication. Thanks for being part of my life even when it ain't so pretty. 

Here's to take two! Let's hope it's a good one! 

My Beginning to Forever

Here I am. Sitting in the place that I have dreamed of for almost four years now. It's so surreal.

It's been difficult: getting used to living seven hours from everything I know. I don't know many people and that's hard, being an extrovert.

It's odd seeing everyone walking around campus with their friends, knowing that I don't have that option yet. I know it will come, but until it does I'll just be sitting under this tree, watching others' lives go by.

I'm excited! I really am. But, I also kind of just want a hug from a friendly face. I'd never understood the significance of being fully known until the last couple days. I know that friends will come and I will be established eventually. I've been trying to get out and go meet people and spend time with new roommate.
For some reason I just keep crying.

I'm not homesick. Don't get me wrong, I love home. I miss my friends and family! But, my heart is content here. I desire to be here.

I think I'm mourning the loss of everything I knew. I haven't lost it of course: I will keep up with my friends and family and come visit. But the dynamic of everything in the Midwest in relation to my life has drastically changed. It won't ever be the same again. It won't ever be home again.

I'm building my home.

Change. I've always heard that no body likes change: that we are all creatures of habit. I think I disagree. I think we long for change, we just let ourselves mourn our loss. This is not wrong. We need to mourn. But, we also need to move forward.

So I move forward. I walk out of my dorm (making sure I lock the door behind me;). remembering where I've been and looking forward to where I'm headed.

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard."

In less than 48 hours I will be saying goodbye to the town where I have spent my entire life up to this point. I've been climbing the walls to get out of here since I can remember! Up until my junior year of high school I didn't know what my future destination would be, I just knew it would be far from here. If I never see a corn stalk again it'll be too soon. When I discovered my passion for music and my knack for selling t-shirts ;), I knew that Nashville is where I belonged. And I haven't shut up about it since!

I thought that I would pack up and never look back: ready to take on whatever life had to throw at me, as long as it didn't include the Midwest. Of course I love my family! They're great! I will definitely make time to see them and continue to invest in their lives. However, I didn't have many close friends in the area so family was the only thing here for me... that is until my freshman year of college.

Last night I found myself weeping during worship at my last service with my companions from my first year of college. They have walked through life with me this past year and have shown me what true community is about. Don't tell any of them this, but I seriously reconsidered staying here so I could continue this journey with them:). But, my heart longs for Tennessee and it is my dream!

My Campus Church (now Encounter) family will always hold a special place in my heart. Doing ministry with them this past year has truly humbled me and opened my eyes to what being the church really means. Each and every one of them lives knowing the truth that God is with them and it shows. They are a light in the darkness of every college campus in this town (and that's a lot of campuses!).

You are the people that I will tell my children about when they head off to college. You are the friends that I will always share a special bond with. Yours are the memories I reminisce on when I'm feeling disconnected. You, the people holding me up, are the only reason I made it through this last year standing. You made this sojourner feel at home in a difficult transition year. And yours are the photos hanging on my dorm room wall.

My heart is heavy leaving them, but my head is held high knowing that we will be together again. If it's not Christmas break then it will be Heaven:).