When People Fail You

The most powerful thing we are capable of as humans is loving one another. This is also one of the most important things that we're capable of. Relationship is essential to us.

Friends, family, and significant others assist us through the challenges in life and are also present to celebrate our victories. We aren't meant to do life alone. Community matters. We need people in our lives to help us when we can't help ourselves or to encourage us when we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The joyful moments are so much better when we have people we love and trust to share them with. 

Sometimes, though, we put too much on a person: our expectations are too high. We want someone to come through on something and then they just.... don't. They let you down. Regardless of whether it's intentional or not, pain comes with it. Disappointment and hurt accompany it. We forget that the people in our lives are human and we are so abruptly reminded at the moments where it's least convenient. 

People fail us. It's never a fun occurrence, but it's a fact of life. In those moments, all we can control is our reaction. Do I get angry or do I have grace? I have found myself in this position many times before. I've also been on the other side, begging for my friend to see and forgive my humanness. 

It's here where I start to lose faith in my friends and wonder if hurt is just something I'm going to have to cope with forever. It's here where I have began to question whether or not some friendships are worth continuing. It is here where trust has been ruptured and scars have been formed. And it's here, also, that I'm reminded of the perfection of my Savior. He will never fail. He comes through, every time. 

People suck. We all have experience in that. We're all broken. And yet, somehow, we still have a capacity for deep and moving love. It's incredible really. More often then not, that love is stronger after it's taken a hit. Doesn't really make sense, does it? We see the deepest, ugliest flaws in people and we give them more of ourselves. Why?

We empathize with the human quality that's revealed in those moments: imperfection. It's the thing that nobody wants to admit they possess and much less show others. Through the pain of the incident, we see a bit of the truth that we hold as well. The truth that neither can we give it all every time; no matter how badly we wish we could.

But, the question still stands: grace or anger? I think that healing happens more abundantly and and rapidly when grace is extended. Now, there are sometimes where toxic people enter our lives and we have to let them go, but that can be done in grace as well. The natural instinct is to get mad when wronged, which makes it a hard instinct to fight. But, if that can be overridden by grace, how different would relationship look?

Elevating people to a position higher than where they should be is crushing when it inevitably collapses. I know that sometimes I forget that humans are humans and, in particularly difficult periods, I treat them as lifelines. This always backfires on me. We all fall short. Jesus is the only one who upholds and exceeds our standards. He's everything we will ever need. People can't fill that place, no matter how badly I want them too. This is so hard because people are tangible. I can physically hug a friend when I'm hurting. But, Jesus offers more and I forget that.

Here's the cool thing that I've learned recently. Community rocks. I love people. And the Lord still lets us have community even when we abuse relationships and put people above Him. He extends grace when we fail Him. Every time. He picks us up, dusts us off, and shows us how to do it better. He teaches us how to give this same type of grace when we're faced with failure as well.

We can love because He first loved us. He can give grace because he has given it to us. We can move forward because He has made a way. When people fail us, we can forgive and rebuild because that's what the Lord does for us.

Easier said than done, I know. It's just a thought I had. 

The New York Experiance

For my first ever college spring break I went on a mission trip with my church. We hit the streets of New York City for a week to talk to people, pray with them, and most importantly, get them connected with Jesus.

I'd never been to the Big City before. I'd also never been on a mission trip. In preparation for this trip, all team members had to go to "story training" to learn techniques for effectively spreading the gospel. No matter how many times I looked through those booklets and practiced asking the questions, nothing could have prepared me for what God was going to do that week.

I met actors, business men, college students, homeless people, atheists, agnostics, passionate Christ followers, people that just weren't sure, and everyone in between. That combination of people makes for a pool of interesting stories and that's exactly what I got. God is teaching me how to listen.

I love to talk and I love to be heard, but I am not the only one with a good story. I don't always have to be the one making everyone laugh, or the one that's giving advice, or the one that's talking about my obstacles. It's important to share life with the people around you! I realized that they knew so much about me and loved me so well, but I had not often enough taken the time to listen to them and learn more about them so I could be a better friend for them. It's not about me.

During the week, there was one day in particular where our group was wandering around Washington Square Park in pairs engaging the people that happened to be there. My partner and I ran into two young ladies who were taking a poll about the environment of the park. We got to talking to them about their thoughts on our four worldview questions that were designed to lead into a conversation about Jesus (How do you think it all began? What's wrong with the world? Is there any hope? And what does the future hold for you when your time on earth is done?). One of the girls had an interesting answer to the second question and I wanted to inquire more about it. When I began to talk, my partner said "just wait". Of course he wasn't being mean. He thought I was going to go into the story of Jesus before we were done asking the questions. It was just a misunderstanding between us, but that was the moment when I realized my tendency to dominate conversation. My comments are not the most important.

Learning to listen is one of the most valuable things I've learned in college so far. I don't have it down yet: interrupting is a bad habit of mine. I also like to turn conversations back to me. I'm practicing listening:) And practice makes perfect!

I got to first hand witness God moving and working in our world during my time in NYC. He is such a BIG and loving God. He designed every moment of the universe and of our lives to bring that group of 31 people together for the sole purpose of bringing him glory. Impenetrable bonds were formed among the team and we all left impacted. It's safe to say we will never be the same people we were stepping onto that plane in Midway Airport.

The Story Wall

Last week I had an amazing opportunity to work a story wall on my campus.


This story wall was a place for people to come and share bits and pieces of their lives with willing and ready to listen volunteers. Three themes arched this past week: thankfulness, struggles, and hopefulness. Each day my companions and I would ask a new question and tell the participants to write down their answer and tell a story about it. They got a free piece of candy in return and we received a collection of words and phrases that represented the hearts of those who wrote them.

For me specifically, this was a learning experience. I'm learning about the value of people. I see these people in the halls and in class almost every day, but it becomes the norm to ignore them and hang out with the people I've already befriended. These people don't simply exist when I see them. They have a background, struggles, celebrations, and a future and they are desperately wanting to  be heard.

Of course some people didn't want to participate and some only told goofy stories so they could get free candy, but even those stories said a lot about the person. I stood there for a few hours each day listening to people talk about what's going on in their worlds! Some people didn't even want candy, they just wanted to tell us a story. Everything from kidney transplants, to stories about Afghanistan, to pets, to a plethora of young men that were especially thankful for their mothers.

My favorite story (not that I'm choosing favorites;) was that of an older Chinese man. He didn't speak English very well, but he still wanted to tell us all about his new granddaughter. He also told my friend Laura and I about his journey as a Christian in China. "Church?! That means you love Jesus?!" This is what he exclaimed when we told him the wall was set up by a campus ministry we were a part of! To hear someone be this excited about the presence of the church on campus made the whole experience that much more meaningful. We were there to encourage people, but we ended being so blessed by our conversation with this particular man. We were able to hear about his baptism and his daughters faith and influence on his. He left to go back to China this month, but his story is one that I will not forget.

Everyone has a unique story to bring to the world. Everyone has friends, hard times, funny childhood memories, and aspirations. All stories hold significance. Every person matters infinitely to God and simply by that fact, every person should matter infinitely to me as well. This experience taught me how to listen better and care better for people. I'm not generally one for small talk. Every time I have a conversation with someone, I like to walk away knowing one more thing about them than I did when the conversation began. I was able to exercise that and meet some awesome new people. The story table was a very humbling experience that opened my eyes to lives and stories that were different than mine.